All Out
by theguywhohasaname
Summary: This doesn't fit any one category, it's all of 'em combined. Well, not literally all... Just read and review. You'll see what I mean.


Well... It appears I can't stay with my original idea. So I'll just go with my secondary idea. Oh, uh, by the way... This isn't my secondary idea. My secondary idea has just gotten tossed out as well. I just finished writing the third paragraph. Up until the 'oh, by the way' part, I hadn't even started writing this. But now I've started writing. So I changed the title and the general plot. Again. Well, now I guess I'll shut up and start the damn fic. The next sentence was also written before I started writing this fic. Uh... Anyways... Here's... Something....  
  
Duo stared at Heero as if he were insane. "Heero, call me crazy, but watching a horse get gelded isn't really my idea of fun. Why exactly did you make me come?" Heero remained silent, and after several repetitions of the question, Duo gave up. The vet arrived and nodded his head when he saw the horse asleep on the ground. "You already knocked him out, huh?" He asked. Duo saw an opportunity and grinned. "We didn't need to. The horse saw Heeros face and... Well, that's all it took." Heero turned and punched Duo before returning to his former position, standing with his arms folded staring at the horse. "That didn't hurt nearly as much as I'd thought it would..." Dou said as he rubbed his stomache where Heero had punched him. "Well... Let's get the ball rolling!" Duo said, jumping out of the way of Heeros fist. "Hey, horsey! How ya doing? I'm having a ball!" Duo dodged Heeros fist again. "Heero keeps trying to punch me... He must be nuts! In fact, we're probably all nuts! With the exception of the horse, of course." Heero threw a punch, which Duo dodged, but followed it up with a second punch only a few inches behind the first, which hit its target. "OOOOOOOWWWW!!!"  
  
"What'd you do that for?" Duo whimpered. "Your jokes are unnecessary." "Your... Uh... Unfinniness is unnecessary." Heero glared at Duo. "Hey! No glaring!" Heero pointed behind Duo, and Duo turned around so that he was facing the horse. There was a sickening crunch, and Duo fainted as two spherical objects landed at his feet. "Wimp." The vet looked up at Heero. "You're next." Heeros eyes went wide, and a few seconds later he fell to the ground next to Duo. "Hehehe. Now who's a wimp?" The vet chuckled as he got into his truck and drove off, leaving the two boys unconcious on the ground. A while later, Duo woke up and saw Heero unconcious next to him. "He called me a wimp? And then he went and fainted? That isn't very fair..." Heeros eyes opened, and he stood up. "WIMP!" Duo yelled. Heero frowned. "I am not a wimp. The vet attacked me when I told him I didn't have the monkey to pay for the operation." Duo put a hand on Heeros forehead. "No temperature. Heero, did you know you just said you don't hae the monkey to pay for it?" Heero nodded his head.  
  
"The vet said he wanted a monkey instead of money. He apparently likes monkeys." Heero walked to the back door of the house and entered it. "Quatre, your horse isn't ery organized." Duo informed the blond boy as he entered the house. "What do you mean?" "Well, he is no longer on the ball." Duo dodged Heeros punch yet again. "Hey, I'm getting pretty good at avoiding your blows..." Heero threw a punch at Duo again, which he also dodged. "Heero! I didn't know you were like that!" Heero gae Duo a puzzled look. "What do you mean by that?" "Well, I thought you liked Relena, but you keep hitting on me..." Heero punched Duo in the center of his stomache. "OW! Damn, I wasn't expecting you to hit me again so soon..." Quatre laughed. "You were asking for it, Duo. If you made jokes the entire time you were concious, it makes sense that Heero would be trying to knock you out again." Duo grinned. "You saw that?" Quatre nodded his head. "Yes, I did." "Good. Did you see Heero faint?" Quatre nodded his head again. "Was it because the vet attacked him?" "Nope. The vet said something to him, and he hit the ground een faster than you did."  
  
Heero glared at Quatre. "No! Bad Heero! No more glaring!" Duo yelled as he grabbed the corners of Heeros mouth and pulled them into a smile. "Smile. Be happy. Don't glare." Duo shook his head. "Glaring bad, smiling good." Heero hit Duo again. "I forgot about your tendency to want to hit me every time I say anything... Sorry. I won't talk anymore." Duo grinned. "I'll just annoy the crap out of you every other way I can think of." He added under his breath. Heero looked at Duo suspiciously. "Did you say something, Duo?" Duo shook his head. "Nope. I didn't say anything."  
  
Hehehehehe... Overload. I've got a CD of Cledus T. Judds songs playing on my playstation, one of Elton Johns CDs playing in my CD player, and a Garth Brooks CD playing on my computer. Everything I need. Three CDs for my three different personalities. Hehe... Not. I don't have multiple personalities or anything. Oh, so I don't exist? That's right, you don't. I do too! No you don't. I exist, and that's final. Now get back to the damn fic, or else I'll kick your ass. You can't kick my ass, you don't exist! Do too! Hey, so do I! Burn in hell, you phonies! On with the fic!  
  
Relena got into the saddle on the horses back. "Okay, don't go too fast, horsey..." The horse began moving, and Relena was thrown off-balance. She slowly began sliding back in the saddle, but the horse didn't pay any attention to her. She suddenly fell to the left, and was holding on by her right arm and leg. She was about to fall to the ground when suddenly the Wal Mart store manager ran out the front door and pulled the plug on the ride. "Are you all right, miss?" Relena stood up straight, put her nose in the air, and straightened out her skirt. "Even the horses are too violent. We must all put down our arms and top this violence! Peace and love for all!" As Relena walked out to the parking lot, the manager scratched his head. "I don't know if she wants us to amputate our arms or if she just misses the sixties..."  
  
Trowa stared at the cars in front of him. "They picked the wrong day to have a traffic jam..." Trowa jumped out of his truck and grabbed a machine gun from the passengers seat. "Alright you bastards, here's what I think of your stupid traffic ja..." The cars all began moving, and in a few moments, his car was the only one on the road. "Damn them... Damn them all!" Trowa jumped back into his truck and began driving. "I hope I get to Quatres place pretty soon..." Then Trowa was forced to stop as he encountered yet another traffic jam. "I'll kill them... Every last one of them... How can they stop me from reaching my destination? It just isn't fair... Not today...." Trowa grabbed the machine gun and got out of his truck. Before he could begin firing the weapon, the cars all drove off. "This just isn't right..." Trowa got back into the truck and began driving, only to be stopped a few yards further by another traffic jam. "That's it! I'm getting Heavyarms!" Relena ran up to his truck and tapped on the window. Trowa rolled down his window and glared at Relena. "What do you want?" Relena smiled. "I just want to tell you that if your arms are getting heavy, you should consider weight watchers! It worked for me, so it can work for you!"  
  
Two Hours Later.....  
  
There was a knock on Heeros door. Heero walked to the door and opened it, but nobody was there. "I'll kill the next person that does that..." Heero looked down and saw an envelope on the doormat. "Huh? I wonder who it's from..." Heero picked up the envelope and walked inside. He sat in a chair and opened the envelope, from which he pulled a piece of paper. "Oh... It's a poem..." Heero read the poem and glanced at the initials below it. "R P. Gee. Who could this be from? Maybe... Relena Peacecraft? It's a nice poem, but it was written by the most annoying person on the planet... Hell, Duo isn't as annoying as her." There was another knock at the door, and Heero opened it, expecting to see another note. But instead, it turned out to be the neighbors 15 year old son, Roy. "What do you want? Don't you have someone else to bother? Well, as long as you're here... Look at this poem Relena Peacecraft left for me on the doormat. Nice poem, don't you think?" Roy laughed. "That isn't from Relena. My name is Roy Parker. My initials are R P. And I write poetry very well, too." Heeros eyes got very wide, and he slammed the door in Roys face. "That wasn't exactly the least scariest moment of my life..."  
  
Duo paced back and forth. "I refuse to do it anymore! I can't keep this up. I just can't!" The shadowy figure before him grinned. "You must. You know what will happen if you don't." Duo scowled angrily at the shadowy figure. "That was a crappy deal. If I don't tell Heero I love him, I don't stay skinny even if I eat an amount of food equivalent to the amount of food a whale eats daily. I don't think it's worth it anymore. I wont eat so much, and I can still maintain my figure." The shadowy figure laughed. "Yeah, right. You'd have to eat the amount of food Heero eats to stay that skinny." Duos jaw dropped. "He barely eats anything! I can't eat that little... Come on, will you make some other deal with me?" "Like what?" Duo thought for a few moments. "I'll get rid of the satellite if you don't let me tell Heero that I love him AND stay nice and thin." The shadowy figure threw itself at Duos feet. "NOOOOOOOOOO!!! I'll do it! Just don't do anything to my satellite dish! 2000 channels... Always something good on. No matter what time of the day, there's always good, quality shows on. And there's some pretty good porn, too! You can tell Heero whatever you want, and you wont gain a pound. Okay? As long as you leave my satellite dish alone, anyways. Is it a deal?" Duo nodded his head.  
  
Quatre heard a vehicle pull into his driveway. "Hmmm... Trowa! Trowa's here!" Quatre opened the front door and ran out to meet Trowa. "Trooooooooooowaaaaaaaaaa!!! Why are you here?" Trowa glanced down at his hands. "OH! Uh, hold on a minute. I'll be right back." Trowa ran back to his truck and grabbed something from the passengers seat. He held whatever he had taken from the truck behind his back as he walked back to Quatre. "Uh... Okay, I don't really know how to say this, so I'll just say it. I love you." Trowa handed Quatre a dozen red roses. (Awww... Isn't that sweet? No, that's stupid. Shut up! You shut up. Damn you...) Quatre took the roses and ran into his house, returning seconds later without them. "I put them in some water. Now that my hands are free..." Quatre grabbed Trowa and kissed him, using one hand to hold Trowa close to him and the other hand to grab Trowas ass.  
  
After Duo had left, the shadowy figure turned on the lights. "It's a little dark in here. I think I might have looked like a shadowy figure or something in that dim light." The shadowy figure looked towards the front door Duo had just exited through. "He dares to threaten to get rid of my satellite dish? Oh, who gives a damn about the satellite dish? If he tells Heero he loves him, Heero will confess his love for Duo, and the two will live happily ever after in a castle in the sky... Or not. But I know Heero has feelings for Duo, which would mean that I'd have no chance whatsoever at Duo... He's the only man I could ever love! Sniff sniff, cry cry. Well, that's most likely a large exageration, but I don't give a damn. He is HOT! I must do everything possible to keep him from Heero... Een if it means killing someone... Fade to black, commercial, skip ahead to when I'm lurking around outside Heeros house with the intention of killing him with the impossibly sharp knife in my hand." The shadowy figure, who was really just a very scary 13 year old guy, began laughing. And he didn't stop until the commercial was halfway over, so he had to hurry to the set of Heeros house to get there before they were on the air again.  
  
Relena ran up to the gate around Quatres houe and flung it open. "The sky is falling! The sky is... HEY! What is it with you people?! Stop kissing!" Relena pushed Trowa away from Quatre and glared at them. "Why were you kissing? You shouldn't have been kissing. Something was missing." Trowa scratched his head. "What was missing? I gave him a bunch of roses, he started kissing me, I kissed back, he grabbed my ass, you interrupted." Relena slapped Trowa. "You know what was missing! A female!" Trowa punched Relena in the face, and she fell to the ground. "First off, you don't do a very good job of slapping people. Second, you seem to be set in the belief that love must include a male and a female. Third, because of the second, you are the dumbest bitch I've ever known. Fourth, I don't know very many women. Gundam Wing had a lot more guys than it did women... Then again, that could be the reason we're all gay. Or... Perhaps it's simply because the person who created Gundam Wing was gay. That would explain the reason that there were more guys than girls. It would also explain why we're all gay. And it would explain why... No, that's all it would explain. But will the aliens take over our planet?" Trowa turned towards the camera and looked into it meaningfully. "Only you can prevent forest fires."  
  
At that exact moment, Wufei ran into the authors bedroom and attacked him violently for not including him in the fic so far. The author was horribly scarred. Well, he wasn't really, but Wufeis sitting here pointing a gun at me, so I've got to say it. Hmmm... Well, he isn't in my room anymore. I threw a lemon drop out the door, and he followed it right out. But just because he was polite enough to yell 'leaving me out was injust!' in my ear several times, I'll include him in the fic.  
  
Wufei snuck up behind Duo. "Well, if this were a horror fic, someone would be sneaking up behind me right now. But it's humor, right? Hmmm... Oh shit. It's a combination humor, horror and romance. Perhaps a little more. I've only had a few seconds to flip through the script. I should probably see what happens next, you know, just so I'm prepared." Before Duo could find out what happened next, Wufei grabbed him from behind and held a gun up to Duos head. "Don't move, or I'll shoot." Duo reached into his pocket and pulled out a lemon drop. "Well, then, I guess you don't want this..." Wufei pointed at his mouth (with the hand holding the gun) and said "I already have one." Duo took that opportunity to turn around and grab the gun away from Wufei. "See you in hell, Powers!" "Powers?" Duo blushed. "Sorry... I just got finished watching Austin Powers for like the millionth time." Wufei nodded his head. "That's understandable." Then Duo fired a shot that hit Wufeis head at an angle that knocked him out without killing him. "Now I'll continue on my journey, my quest for the holy grail! Oh... No, I just want Heero."  
  
The shadowy figure, who we'll just refer to as Judecca A. Gunner, made his way slowly to the door of Heeros house with an impossibly sharp knife in his hand. "Soon Heero will be dead, leaving me absolutely no competition! Duo will be mine! Wait a minute... Do I really want Duo? Or is this really about the sattelite dish? I'll just go call my psychiatrist and I'll be back to kill Heero later." And so Judeca disappeared into the shadows to find a pay phone with which to call his psychiatrist, unsure if she was even still in her office. "I will return... And when I do, I will probably not want to kill you, because my psychiatrist will have talked me out of it. But I will eventually kill you! That I can promise you, Heero Yuy..." And then Judecca laughed insanely until he finally found a pay phone, which just happened to be 10 blocks away, causing him to get a lot of odd looks on the way there from all of that insane laughing.  
  
Duo wandered down a dark, cold, deserted street, shiering from the effects of the ice cold wind. Even wearing the jacket he had put on before he had left his house, the wind seemed to penetrate through to his bones. Duo glanced at his watch, which showed that it was about 10 minutes to midnight. "Well, I didn't pick the perfect time to admit my love, but by now it's a shorter walk to Heeros house than it is back to mine. So it'd be logical to just keep going." Duo passed by a pitch black alley and froze in place. He could feel the presence of something evil, something so absolutely rotten and vile that every hair on his neck stood straight up, and he almost passed out from the smell coming from the alleyway. It smells like death... Duo searched the alleyway with his eyes, not daring to move for fear of what might be lurking deep within the alley that he so cautiously observed. He finally worked up the nerve to talk. "Who's there?" His question was met with a sinister hiss, one that lasted only moments before it was replaced with a clicking sound. There was another hiss, and suddenly the alley was lit up by a fire that had started in the back of it, partially illuminating the thing slowly making its way towards Duo. It was humanoid in shape, though it was black with red hind legs. The head also differed from a human head. Its eyes took up the entire upper half of its head, and the mouth containing rows upon rows of needle sharp teeth took up the lower half. The thing was walking on its hind and front legs, and the clicking sound was the claws that looked like they belonged on Freddy Kreugers glove attached to the feet/hands. The thing stopped about 4 feet from Duo and its mouth released an evil, serpentine hiss. Then it leapt at him.  
  
Hehehe... I think that's sufficient for the first chapter of what I shall attempt to make a combination of, as Duo said when he looked through the script, humor, horror and perhaps a tiny bit of romance. Maybe some other stuff too. It all depends on my mood, and the music I'm listening to when writing. I suppose I'll just be quiet now, and let you review this fic in that little space below that's used for writing reviews. So, ciao! 


End file.
